When it comes to the (current) salient pursuits of my life, I want precisely the same things.

From food, career & men

GIve me bigger, better, faster, stronger.

I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen, its' unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
On principle alone

Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down

If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes
So you would see
That all of us are heaven sent
There was never meant to be only one
To be only one

yeah so work is good. bankers are hot ;) so is the ORQ environment. maybe its just the feeling ur on ur way somewhere. hopefully.

i had breakfast: banana walnut bread + vanilla milk. u tend to need b'fast after one too many drinks the night before ay.

exam season always makes me a bit sad. ok i lie. very sad. and lonely too. this term its teruk lagi. there all these thoughts in my head, which shldnt be there. abt life, career, work, love. grrrrr.

i guess i shld just continue studying. right now its it & the law, and it goes like this..  "Should Marxist ideology or the socialist anarchist philosophy be extended to electronic 'property'?

reminds me of ethics last term. at least i got an 'A' for that ;p

i miss people.

do we always need to know what we're doing? amrita says even when we think we know, we dont really. so what difference does it make it eh.

i think if you cant see it anyway, then i shldnt need you to see it.

in the end, ill leave it to karma baby.

school is driving me nuts. which is causing me to be frustrated and irritated always. which causes me to take it out on shah. which causes him to be pissed. which causes me to be pissed becaus im acting like an ass and shldnt be doing that shit to him.

in conclusion, fuck school.

"...she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love was the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself."

ive been feeling exceedingly ambitious lately. well, by my standards that is. i know what i want, im actually progressing towards it. no more backseats. no more excuses. i have a year left (if no catastrophes) in school and i need to make the most of it. one year to make it right, to give myself what i know i can. i dont want to look back and realise i short-changed myself at 21. that would be incredibly depressing. not to mention stupid.

which is why sometimes i get insanely jellus of people who are doing what they love with their lives. who say things like "money is best made doing the things you love." and "dont waste you time living out other people's expectations" people who found what they were born for.. or smth like that. i dont know obviously what that feels like. dont get me wrong, i quite like what ive chosen to do with my life (this could change after an internship). at any rate, accountancy could never be bad for me, its a great background for whatever i choose to do later.

and if i play my cards right, im sure it will help me achieve all the things i talk abt. buy my father his dream car/ buy my mother a house/ need nothing from a man. not in terms of $$$ at least. heh (:

but then i think, why so cynical. why so (god forbid) sporean? ishhh.
then i think of a line from a favourite movie:

"Sometimes I dream about being a good father mother and a good husband wife. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship."

and its so true. at least for now.